My love for Jeff went beyond any love I had ever felt before. I just wasn’t aware of it. What I was aware of was the fact that goodbyes are one of the hardest things in the world, and I never wanted to have to say my goodbyes to Jeff.
All of Jeff’s doctors assured us that he was at the top of the liver transplant list. They kept telling us that he and his mom could get a call any day to drop everything and rush down to Umass Memorial Medical Center to be prepped for the most major, most life-changing surgery of his life. A surgery that could take his life span of months to a couple of years at the most, and add a lifetime onto it.We were in a race against time. There was a strong possibility that his liver cancer had returned. We were waiting on an appointment with a GI doctor, Dr. Xander to go over his scans. The even more frightening reality was that if his cancer actually had returned he would be immediately removed from the cancer list. I might have to say my goodbyes to him. I usually tried to put all thoughts of his mortality out of my head and just enjoy him, in the moment.
After Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, my mom drove Jeff and me back to Side by Side and life went back to its daily rhythm. However, the specter haunting the unspeakable background of our minds was the question of whether Jeff actually had cancer blooming within his belly. Would the presence of this possible cancer permanently remove him from the liver transplant list, which was his only chance at long-term survival?
Jeff had an appointment with Dr. Xander, his GI doctor coming up.
We tried to distract ourselves from the appointment by working on the “Intro to Judaism Class”, watching movies, and playing with our teddy bears, but no matter what, time was ticking by. It was only a matter of time before it was November 2nd and we found out whether or not Jeff really had cancer.
I spotted Jeff halfway across the kitchen, and for the first time in my life learned what it felt like to have a crush on someone. We became best friends during my first six months at Side by Side. The more I got to. know him, the more I knew that he was the man for me. When we finally began dating he even decided to go so far as to convert to Judaism for me so that my family would accept him. I loved him unconditionally but at one point we thought he had a death sentence.
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