Morning “I Love You’s”

Jeff and I had very complicated lives because we had to stare down death every single day. Every morning that we woke up we had to go through complicated rituals of medications. While we were taking all of our medications we had to think about how we needed to make sure we said I love you to each other enough. because life was not something guaranteed to either of us.

What’s a Brit Milah?

Now Jeff wanted something more to his life. He wanted to make sure I was in it forever and he wanted an added layer of meaning to it. This was why we were sitting in my living room at Side by Side talking to my Rabbi about having Jeff convert to Judaism.

The rabbi had just breezed through the whole conversion process in a few seconds without allowing Jeff to process it all.

“What’s the other thing you mentioned?”  Jeff asked.  “The ‘brief meal-a ’ or whatever?”

I cringed, horrified to hear what the Rabbi was going to say.

“Oh, the Brit Milah. Are you by any chance circumcised Jeff?” the rabbi asked him, looking very serious.

I felt my heart race as I waited for his response

“Yeah, I got circumcised when I was a baby,” Jeff told him.

“Well then this will be a lot easier for you,” the rabbi let out a sigh and leaned back a little against my daybed/couch setup.

My heart slowed considerably.

“What do I need to do?” Jeff was suddenly on high alert and I noticed one of his hands went to cover his crotch subconsciously.

How Far Will The Boundaries of Love Stretch?

All I could think in my head was, “I love you so much, you can’t give up on me now Jeff.”

“All you need to do is prick yourself in the glans of the penis with a little lancet. One of those lancets they use for testing blood sugars. It really doesn’t hurt at all. It will just draw a drop of blood. You do this in my presence or in the presence of a different rabbi, then we will say a blessing. Then you shower and take your dip in the mikvah, and you have completed the conversion process.”

Jeff had stopped twisting the hem of his shirt he just sat there frozen for a moment. All I wanted to do was pierce the silence and say, “I love you so much, Jeff!”

“Everyone says that the needle stick doesn’t hurt. It just goes into the extra skin on the penis and it only draws one single drop of blood. We then just wipe away with a cotton swab and you’re in the club.” The rabbi assured him

“This is some hazing ritual you have to go through to convert into the club!” Jeff said.

The rabbi and I just laughed uncomfortably.

“I mean I love Becca, and I love the idea of belonging to something bigger than me, so yeah, I’ll do it.” Jeff agreed.

Starting the Intro to Judaism Class

I could feel myself exhale. It was weird, I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath the whole time I was waiting for Jeff to respond.

“There’s a class called “Intro to Judaism” starting up in a couple of weeks.  It’s every Monday night for eight weeks at the synagogue.  It gives an overview of the history of Judaism and all our holidays and rituals and the reasons behind them.  I know you’re not big on classes, but do you think maybe if you and Becca took the class together and Becca helped you out with it you’d get something out of it?”

“Maybe,” Jeff said.  “I’d be willing to try.”

“Well let’s start with that as your first step to convert. We will have you do that and keep coming to synagogue on Saturdays, we love having you there.”

“I will for sure,” Jeff told him.

Why I Love Jeff’s Sense of Humor

After the rabbi left, Jeff looked at me.

“You are the highest maintenance girlfriend I have ever had.  I am about to get naked in front of some crazy rabbi who is going to make me stick myself in the dick with a fucking blood sugar testing needle and then go skinny dipping in a collection of rainwater while singing prayers in a language I don’t know and know I will never be able to learn.  Before I do that I’m going to have to sit through eight weeks of classes that I won’t be able to focus on or comprehend.”

“I’m sorry Jeff!” I told him through my laughter at the blunt way he had put it, but the amazing thing was, he was really going to go through it all just so he could be with me. That he genuinely was growing to love Judaism was even cooler.

I put my arms up in the air. He came over to me, leaned in, and gave me one of his great big bear hugs, the kind that squished all the air out of you but you didn’t care because there was so much love flowing through it.

Jeff Actually Did Love The Judaism Class

We started going to the Monday night “Intro to Judaism” classes. I would sit next to Jeff and explain to him in a whisper what the teacher was talking about. That he could understand better what was going on in the class.  We did get assigned reading. I would do the reading, take notes and condense it in my head to explain it to Jeff in my own words. That way he would understand it better.  He really was learning new things about Judaism from the class. My mom was so impressed by him because he would love to pull out little Jewish factoids when we were hanging out together. When we went home for one of the high holidays he had a bunch.

“Shana Tova,” he told her on Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. 

Why I Love The Way Jeff Made Tashlich So Much Fun

“I told Becca she’s going to need a whole sack of old bread to throw in the river for all of her sins this last year!” He added referring to the Jewish tradition of Tashlich. When doing Tashlich, the tradition is to go to a stream or river or any moving body of water on the first day of Rosh Hashana. Then you throw in little pieces of old stale bread and name a sin you’ve committed. This symbolized getting rid of that sin so that you could start the year off pure, and with a clean slate.

“Are all those ducks going to turn black inside from all of the bad deeds they’re absorbing?” Jeff asked me with a smirk.

“Only the ones that eat your sins,” I told him smirking back at him.

All joking aside, he got really serious during the actual process of throwing in the “sins” of bread into the stream in Forest Park. He would pull out a piece and look deep in thought. Then he would whisper something to himself. After that, he would use his gun show arm to hammer it into the water. Then he would watch a duck eat it or see it drift away down the flowing stream.

More Reasons To Love Jeff’s Sense of Humor

“That duck ate my lying to my mom about forgetting to call her back!” Jeff announced eventually when he could tolerate being serious no longer.

“Well that duck will probably have some serious indigestion then,” my mom laughed as I agreed. She was also starting to see how serious Jeff was about wanting to convert.

“Not as bad as the poor unsuspecting ducks that ate Becca’s sins,” Jeff quipped, “those ducks are in Ducky ICU on life support.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad,” I told him.

“That’s what you think,” he told me.

I Love How Jeff Can Be Super Sweet and Serious Too

Then when he saw my face fall, he leaned into me and hugged me. He cupped his large callused yet gentle hand under my chin.

“You know I’m only kidding, right? I love you forever and always and think you’re beyond amazing, I hold you on the highest pedestal. I just love to tease you because you’re so cute and adorable and fun to tease, but I love you beyond belief. You make the world move for me and I think you’re the sweetest, kindest, most awesome person I know.” He told me very seriously, and then leaned in and planted his firm full lips full on mine and kissed me hard right in front of my mom.

My Mom Loved Jeff Too

At that point, I didn’t care

1. Because she had seen how serious he was about wanting to convert
2. She had seen what an amazing guy he was
3. I knew she genuinely cared about both of us

So, I leaned into Jeff and kissed him back.  He stroked my back and left tingles of love electrifying behind his hands, as he pulled me in for a hug.