One day Jeff and I were lying in my bed playing Mad Libs. When out of the blue Jeff told me that he wanted to convert to Judaism.

“You what?” I asked shocked.

“I want to convert to Judaism,” he repeated.

“That’s like a major life-changing project,” I told him stunned.

“Whatever it takes, I will go to any lengths in the world to be with you. Your family is so important to you, and I know that. You can’t hide from me the fact that they don’t want us to be together because I’m not Jewish. The last thing I want to do is screw up anything with your relationship with your family. I want to be part of your family,” he explained.

The First Step in Helping Jeff Convert to Judaism

“Well, I guess the first step would be starting to go to synagogue with me,” I told him. In the happiest state of shock possible.

Every Saturday I used the tickets my mom bought me for the handicapped bus to go to and from the all-morning synagogue service for the Sabbath. Jeff could ride with me for free as my escort.

Believe it or not, Jeff the funny clown with the potty mouth started going to synagogue with me every week. He honestly wanted to convert to Judaism and was giving it his all.

We sat in my usual spot in the back row. That way I could get out of there fast if a pump started alarming or if I started feeling sick. Then I handed Jeff a Siddur (Prayer book) and I picked one up as well.

The service had already started, but I could tell by listening to the words of the Hebrew prayer, which page we were reading from. I quickly turned to the page in my SIddur and then found the page for Jeff as well.

“You guys read backward,” Jeff said.

“No, Hebrew was around way before English, English reads backward,” I corrected him.

I kept my finger following along on the Hebrew prayers. At the same time, I put my finger in Jeff’s Siddur. I followed along the same prayers in his just in English.

Finding My Soul In Prayer While Helping Jeff Convert to Judaism

The woman leading the first part of the Sabbath morning prayer service sang out in a beautiful voice. My voice and the voices of the whole congregation joined together as one beautiful song to ask God for peace, health, wellness, hope, love, healing, and more. 

As we sang I felt a deep connection with all the Jews before me going back thousands of years that had sung these same prayers. I felt a connection with everyone in the community who were all singing along with me. We were all asking for the same prayers.

There was also a connection I felt within myself that I was part of such a beautiful Jewish community going back through to my infancy, my parent’s generation, my grandparent’s generation, and all my ancestors in my family going back thousands of years before. In addition, I felt a connection with God. A connection like he was filling me with lightness as I prayed these prayers. It felt like God acknowledged them and took some of the load off of my shoulders. Now I felt like I could breathe a little easier and be slightly less weighed down than I had been before.

Sharing the Beginning of the Torah Service With Jeff

Even Jeff seemed touched by the prayer service.  Most of the prayers were in Hebrew but the tunes were catchy and moving. There is also something transformative about having a whole roomful of people all praying together. The room takes on a certain vibe. Jeff watched and listened intently as we sang the prayers. Then we removed the Torah scrolls that contain the five books of Moses from the beautiful wooden ark. The ark was designed in wood like the tree of life. 

As they said the prayers and opened the ark everyone rose to their feet. I encouraged Jeff to do the same.

Wanting to do everything possible to convert to Judaism, he immediately stood up. I of course had to stay in my wheelchair. 

With everyone still standing, they carried one of the Torah scrolls up and down the aisles of the synagogue. The Torah scrolls were dressed in a velvet cover and a fancy crown. I demonstrated to Jeff kissing the spine of the Siddur, then touching it to the Torah as it passed by.

Listening to the Torah Reading With Jeff

All gung-ho and ready to convert to Judaism, Jeff gently kissed the spine of the siddur in his hand and then reached around my wheelchair to kiss the Torah scroll. Everyone wished the person carrying the Torah and the Rabbi following him a “Shabbat Shalom” (a good/peaceful/happy Sabbath). Jeff followed suit even though he had trouble pronouncing the words the Rabbi smiled at him and wished him a “Shabbat Shalom” back and then said, “Welcome to Temple Israel”.

After the Torah was brought up and down the aisles, they laid it on a table at the pulpit. People took turns coming up to bless the Torah (that like had the five books of Moses handwritten in it by a special scribe on special cloth) and then read a portion of the weekly reading.  We put our Siddurs away and took out a Chumash (a book with the five books of Moses written in it just like the Torah scroll, but it’s typed in and printed on regular paper and bound in a regular book not rolled up in a scroll).

Once again I helped Jeff follow along by keeping one finger on the Hebrew that was being read aloud by different members of the congregation, and one finger on Jeff’s Chumash on the English translation.

Jeff’s Enthusiasm About Learning How to Convert to Judaism

“What does this mean?” he would ask me pointing to a certain confusing line of text, and I would explain it to him. He didn’t just want to convert to Judaism, he wanted to understand the religion and follow its practices knowing the reasons why we did things the way we do.

During the sermon, I would clarify what Rabbi Daniel was talking about in the sermon. Then I would fill in any important information that would help Jeff understand the basis of where he was coming from better. The more we went to synagogue, the more questions Jeff asked me to understand about what Rabbi Daniel was talking about, I was more than happy to explain. I loved how interested and involved he was in the synagogue service. It also showed how interested and involved he was in his project to convert to Judaism.

Only Two Cigarette Breaks in an Almost Three Hour Service

Even though he couldn’t sit still unless he was working on his remote-control cars, or on the computer. The only time in the whole service that Jeff got fidgety and looked like he was going to get himself into trouble was during Musaf. The Musaf part of the service is the silent prayers that come after the Rabbi’s speech.  Jeff stepped out for a moment, and I knew he was going out to have a cigarette but I didn’t say anything, he’d been so good for the other parts of the service. 

When he came back in, we were just doing the ending prayers which were all upbeat tunes and singing, he seemed to enjoy those.

As time went on Jeff only ever stepped out of synagogue services for one or two cigarette breaks and the service was over two and a half hours long. This really impressed me as well, I couldn’t believe how focused he was on this project to convert to Judaism.

Talking to Rabbi Daniel About Having Jeff Convert to Judaism

After the service was over, the two of us approached the Rabbi.

“Hi Rabbi Daniel,” I said, “I wanted you to meet my boyfriend Jeff,” The words felt so strange rolling off my tongue.  ‘My boyfriend Jeff’.  But they felt so right.

“Hi Jeff,” Rabbi Daniel smiled warmly at him and put out his hand. Jeff gave him one of his super firm handshakes and smiled at him too.  “What did you think of the service?” Rabbi Daniel asked him.

“Well, I don’t speak Hebrew so it was a little hard to follow. But I liked the tunes and I thought it was a beautiful service. I love all of the rituals, and I see how happy it makes Becca.

“Jeff wants to convert to Judaism,” I told Rabbi Daniel.

“That’s a big commitment.” Rabbi Daniel said.

“I really want to though. I see how happy Judaism makes Becca, and I want something like that in my life.”

“If you’re really serious about it, we’ll set up a meeting to go over the steps that you would need to go through to convert to Judaism.”  Rabbi Daniel told Jeff.

Setting Up a Meeting With Rabbi Daniel

Jeff smiled his famous impish smile.

“Keep coming to services with Becca every week too, the more you come, the more you’ll learn.”  Rabbi David added.

“I can do that,” Jeff said.

After three weeks of attending synagogue services, we invited the rabbi over for a meeting at my apartment at Side by Side Assisted Living.

“So you’re sure you want to convert to Judaism?” Rabbi Daniel asked when he came to my apartment to meet with Jeff and me.

Why Jeff Wants to Convert to Judaism

“Yes, definitely,” Jeff told him.

“Why do you want to convert?” Rabbi Daniel asked.

“Well, originally, the main reason I wanted to convert to Judaism was so that I could go out with Becca. But I see how happy being Jewish makes Becca, and I watch her celebrate all the different holidays with her family. It’s so cool how each holiday is so different and so special and beautiful, and I love how happy they make Becca and her family and even me when I am there with her.”

Rabbi Daniel nodded, looked like he was going to say something, but then Jeff continued to speak.

“Also I have liver failure, I’m at the top of the transplant list, but if my cancer comes back one more time I get kicked off the list and it’s lights out for me. I want to believe that there is something more out there for me once this body gives out, and this just seems right.” Jeff explained.

My mouth almost dropped open. I had never heard Jeff speak like that before about anything except maybe me, but I guess this was sort of an extension of me. I leaned over and hugged him, I could feel all his muscles, he leaned into me and pulled me into a long embrace.

Getting Overwhelmed That Trying to Convert to Judaism Will Be Impossible

“Those are all great reasons,” Rabbi Daniel said. “I would love to work with you, but just to warn you it’s a lot of hard work to convert to Judaism. You’ll have to take classes, write up a paper, and learn Hebrew. Then you’ll have to go through some rituals.”

I saw Jeff’s face crumple, I immediately butted in.

“Rabbi, Jeff has a traumatic brain injury, ADHD, and learning disabilities. He can’t take classes or write up a paper, or learn Hebrew. His disabilities won’t allow him to. Isn’t there some other way?”

Jeff was twisting and untwisting the hem of his shirt. However, as I spoke to the Rabbi, I saw glimmers of hope trying to light up his hazel eyes again.

“Well, we can work around that.  Maybe he can work one on one with me for some of the time, instead of in a class. We can do oral testing where there’s no pressure and it’s not like a normal test or paper.  We can just teach you a few words of Hebrew.  You would still of course need to do a Brit Milah, and go in the Mikvah in order to convert though.”

The Return of Hope

“What’s that?” Jeff asked.

“The Mikveh is a special holy bathhouse that Jewish communities have.  A Mikvah is a pool filled with collected rainwater. To convert you need to take off all your clothes and fully submerge yourself in the water. While you’re in the water I will guide you in saying certain blessings.  When you get out of the Mikvah I give you your Jewish name and then welcome to the club, you are a full-fledged Jew.”  The rabbi explained.

“Uh ok,” Jeff’s face looked confused. “Well if that’s what I have to do to convert to Judaism then I’m in.