Loving Jeff, A Death Sentence and All

The very first time that I saw Jeff was when I was getting a tour of Side by Side Assisted Living. Side by Side was the assisted living the two of us lived at together. I spotted Jeff halfway across the kitchen, and for the first time in my life learned what it felt like to have a crush on someone. We became best friends during my first six months at Side by Side. The more I got to. know him, the more I knew that he was the man for me. When we finally began dating he even decided to go so far as to convert to Judaism for me so that my family would accept him. I loved him unconditionally but at one point we thought he had a death sentence.

Is The Shadow a Death Sentence?

We had gone to his oncology appointment at UMass Memorial Medical Center with Dr. Swizzer. The doctor told him they had found a shadow on his liver. The shadow was possibly a recurrence of his liver cancer. Dr. Swizzer wouldn’t give us many straight answers about a possible prognosis, but we could tell, we knew if the cancer really had returned it was a death sentence for Jeff. They referred him to a more local GI doctor to take a better look at the scan. Dr. Xander’s job was to confirm whether or not it was cancer.

Permanent Removal From the Transplant List

After Jeff’s oncology appointment, he went to see his team coordinator for the liver transplant team. At his last appointment, they had been encouraging, telling us that he was at the top of the list, to be ready for “The Phone Call” any day. The transplant team had made us feel as though Jeff’s liver failure was no longer a death sentence.

This time things were not as rosy.

“If this shadow on your liver really is a recurrence of your liver cancer, we have no choice but to take you off the transplant list permanently. UNOS is in charge of all transplants in the United States. They have a rule that if a patient on the transplant list develops cancer a second time while waiting for an organ donor, they are automatically removed from the list permanently.” Sarah, the nurse practitioner explained.

A Race Against Time To Beat a Death Sentence

Jeff just nodded as he sat there with his blank “Doctor’s office face” on.

Horror filled me to the point where I thought I was going to start vomiting acid up.

“Can he survive without a new liver?” I asked in the shakiest tone I’d ever heard in my voice as my world slid out from under me and began swimming around me in rapid circles like I was on a tilt-a-whirl ride. I needed to know if we were looking at a death sentence or not.

“Jeff is requiring less paracentesis (a treatment where they use a big needle tap to drain excess fluid known as ascites out of his abdomen). He also has lower liver enzymes and lower ammonia levels. These are all signs that his liver function is improving. The problem is that with the state his liver is in, it will eventually develop cancer again. So it’s basically a race against time to get him the transplant before he develops cancer again.” she said.

It’s Not a Death Sentence Anymore

The good news was that today we had just attended a doctor’s appointment with Dr. Xander. He was the local GI doctor that Dr. Swizzer had recommended. Dr. Xander had been pretty certain that the shadow on the MRI was nothing more than a mild infection or artifact. He was fairly certain that it was not cancer.

The amount of bubbly joy in the van ride home from the appointment with Dr. Xander was so contagious. that Jeff was even able to con the crotchety old chair van driver into stopping at Mcdonald’s. The chair van drivers weren’t allowed to stop, but it wasn’t every day you escaped a death sentence. Jeff got a cheeseburger and fries for himself and a diet coke for me.

Spending the Rest of My Life With Jeff and His 14 Lives

“I’m cancer-free, Becca and I are going to get married and have a life together, we need to celebrate,” Jeff insisted.  Who could resist that?

“I swear I have fourteen lives,” Jeff told me. “I have even more lives than a cat!”

“I’m pretty sure I do too,” I told Jeff laughing, as I thought of all of my own close calls.

We got home and climbed into bed together fully clothed and hugged and kissed. He never took it further than that, he respected my wishes to go slow. I knew that Jeff was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.