A Date With a Developmental Delay

Having Melody work for me, turned out to be the best thing in the whole world. Without Melody, i never would have even dreamed of going on a date with anyone. Because of my developmental and physical delay, I didn’t get a period or have adult hormones in my body. This meant that I didn’t feel the same attraction to boys or men that most other people my chronological age felt. But I would never grow to fully be an adult, and Melody wanted to make sure I experienced every wonderful part of life before my disease took me.

Melody’s Mentally Ill Children

Sometimes when Melody came to work she had to bring her two kids, Max and Jared. They didn’t have to come with her every time, but when they did I didn’t mind. Max was eight and Jared was ten. Melody would just sit them in the beanbag chairs in my living room.

“Don’t touch anything except the beanbag chairs and your Nintendo Switches,” she would tell them. Her thirteen-year-old daughter Serena would tag along to keep an eye on them.

“Max and Jared have a lot of mental health issues. They both have bipolar, ADHD, an attachment disorder, PTSD, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Their real mother, my sister, was on drugs through her entire pregnancy for both of them.” Melody explained to me. “I can’t leave them at home unless there is another adult that knows them there, because they can get violent or suicidal at the flip of a switch. At that point, they need my complete and total attention and possibly the crisis team, EMS, and/or the police.”

Luckily, nothing to that extreme ever occurred while they were at my apartment. 

Keeping Secrets to Go On a Date

One day, after Melody had been working for me for almost a month she whispered something to me while Jeff was in the bathroom.

“I want to tell you something, alone, while Jeff is nowhere nearby.”

Really confused, I tried to ask other questions, but she wouldn’t answer, she just kept putting her perfectly French-tipped manicured fingertips to her mouth.

Lying to Jeff and Feeling Dirty

When Jeff got out of the bathroom, I took a deep breath and prepared to lie to him for the first time in our entire friendship.  It didn’t seem right, but Melody had a look in her eyes and I felt like this was probably something really important.  I trusted Melody, and I knew Melody loved Jeff like a brother, and would never do anything to hurt him.

“I’m going to take a shower a little bit early tonight. I think I’ll call it a night for now. If I still can’t sleep after my shower then I will call you back,” I told him.

“Is everything ok?” he asked.

I squirmed a little.

“Yeah, just kind of feeling overheated and exhausted,” I lied, and then felt like I should scrub my mouth out with soap for lying to my best friend.

“Okay, well, if that’s what you want… I just hope you feel better,” he told me.”

“I’ll call you later tonight,” I told him.

Did I Really Love Jeff in a Romantic Way?

Once we were alone, I looked at Melody.

“What is this all about?” I asked her.

“Do you like Jeff?” she asked me.

“Of course I like Jeff, he’s my best friend. I exclaimed bewildered.

“But do you love Jeff?” she pressed.

“Jeff is like family to me, of course, I love Jeff,” I told her.

“Could you see yourself having a romantic relationship with Jeff?”  Melody finally asked me point-blank.

My mind went reeling.

“Oh, you mean like, like Jeff?” I asked finally getting it. Trying to picture myself going on a date with Jeff.

“Yes,” said Melody with one eyebrow raised slightly smiling at me with a bemused smile.

My First Crush

In my defense, I had never even ever remotely had a crush on anyone (male or female) in my entire life, probably because of my developmental delays and lack of adult hormones. I had concluded that I would probably never go on a date, and be single for my whole life.

That was before I I saw Jeff in the main building that first day at Side By Side. Seeing Jeff made me feel tingly little bubbles of excitement bouncing around inside my body and all I wanted to do was run over and hug him.

Why I Thought Jeff Would Never Want to go on a Date with Me

“Yeah, I think I have a crush on him,” I admitted. “But it would never work out. He’s 41, I’m 25, plus I have a physical and developmental delay, and I’m stuck in this dumb chair. On top of that my disease is degenerative and I’m getting sicker and sicker.  I need help with the most basic of activities.  Jeff is going through so much himself, I can’t put all that on him.” In my head I tried to picture us starting a relationship, or even just going on a date, but I couldn’t.

Possibly Going On a Date to the Build-a-Bear Workshop

“I knew you had a crush on him,” Melody smiled at me, ignoring all my protests.

“How?” I asked.

“It’s the way your eyes get so big and adoring when you’re watching him do anything. I can see it in the way the two of you hold eye contact. Your voice changes when you talk to him. Just hearing the way your talk to other people about him makes it obvious.”

“Yeah, but how could we ever start a relationship or go on a date?” I asked her. “I’m too much of a drag.”

“He knows all that other stuff about you, he takes care of you and helps you out on a daily basis without complaining. I think you should ask him out on a date.” She told me.

“Where would we go for a date?” I asked Melody.

“I’ll take the two of you to make matching his and hers build-a-bears,” she told me.

Playing Build-a-Bears With Jeff Before Ever Going on a Date

The idea of going on a date with Jeff to our favorite store in the world so that we could engage in one of our favorite hobbies was so exciting I felt like if I sneezed, magical pixie dust would come flying out my mouth.

Jeff and I both loved collecting build-a-bears, dressing them up in different outfits, and using our voices to pretend we were talking for them. We came up with some pretty creative storylines.

Both of our catheters came in big boxes with this long brown paper packing in them. We would unroll the paper, draw highway lines on it, and put up speed limit signs, detour signs, and exits. Then we would put our bears in the build-a-bear car Jeff’s mom had given us. Once the bears were seatbelted in they would go for drives down the highway all around the apartment. It would keep us laughing and having fun for hours.

Scared to Ask Jeff Out on a Date

“I don’t know if I can ask him out on a date though,” I hesitated.

“Why not?” asked Melody.

“What if he says ‘no’?  Not only would that completely crush me, but it would also probably ruin our friendship, it would make things too awkward.”

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, I’m sure he’ll say yes,” Melody assured me.

“Maybe I should wait a couple more weeks first and gradually bring it up.

“Jeff is a good-looking guy, and he’s smart, creative, funny, and loyal.  If you don’t ask him out on a date yourself soon, someone else will, and then you will have lost out on a man that was completely and totally meant for you.”

“I have to ask him out on a date then,” I declared aloud.

Preparing to Ask Jeff Out on a Date

“That a girl!” said Melody.  “Also, he has been talking non-stop during our smoke breaks about how much he loves you and how badly he wants to get together with you, he just didn’t know how to bring it up because of the age difference.

“This is like going beyond robbing the cradle,” Is what he told me.  He also said, “I always thought when I turned 40, I’d trade in for two 20s, well I’ll just stick with the one 20.  I’ll stick with Becca.”

As scary as it was going to be, I knew that the next morning, i was going to be asking Jeff out on a date to make matching bears at the build-a-bear workshop.